When boundaries get broken, we slowly lose our trust with the individual who crossed our boundary. Let’s not forget, that we ourselves can also be the culprits to cross other people’s boundaries.

Some examples of overstepping someone’s boundaries can be:

1. Engaging a person sexually without their permission (verbally, digitally, visually, or by physically touching).
2. Getting into a person’s belongings and living space (wallet, purse, mail, phone, closet, etc.) without their permission.
3. Controlling and manipulating another person’s beliefs, ideologies and behaviours.

There are plenty more examples of boundary violations, and what may be a violation to one person may not be to another. What may be a boundary violation in one environment, may not be in another.

But remember, someone who constantly disrupts your comfort and crosses your boundary – is not a friend, partner or someone who cares for you.

It is important in any relationship we enter, whether that be friendship or more – that we as individuals set healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries protect both you and the other person in the relationship, letting one another know what is OK and what is not OK with them.

I for one know that it is not always that easy to say “NO”, to say “that is not OK” and to express when your boundary has been violated. Often, our closest friends will disrupt our comfort and violate our boundaries – leaving us feeling worthless and frustrated.

Setting healthy boundaries is uncomfortable, yet it will be the most rewarding thing you can do for your mental health and to create positive relationships. Here are some examples:

1. Asking someone to stop mocking you about a sensitive topic, and letting them know there will be a consequence such as spending less time together.
2. Saying no when a friend who regularly asks to borrow money without paying back until they repay what they owe.
3. Communicating to a romantic partner what your needs are in a relationship, and how you wish them to be respected.

Despite this, as young people you may feel boundaries aren’t important to you.

Boundaries can also be utilized in the wrong way and be taken too far.

Here are some examples:

1. Completely closing people out of your life and isolating yourself.
2. Spending time with people who disrespect you.
3. Allowing people to make decisions for you that you don’t agree with.

So now you know what a healthy and unhealthy boundary is, how do you communicate and act upon these boundaries to ensure you are protecting yourself and others?

To set a healthy boundary you must know what you need, want and desire in a friendship and/relationship. Communication is key to clearly and positively expressing your boundaries.

Whenever you find yourself in a situation where someone has violated your boundaries or shown you how they respect your boundaries – you can let them know by saying “I don’t feel comfortable when…” or “I like it when you…”. Or if you are unsure of somebody else’s boundaries, simply ask “Is this okay with you?” These can both lead to positive and healthy conversations about boundaries.

If you are afraid to discuss boundaries with your friend, partner or family member due to fears of violence – that is a warning sign that the relationship might be unhealthy or abusive.

Boundaries play a huge role in creating healthy relationships for everyone.

Remind yourself that you deserve kindness, respect and to feel safe.

A Blog By Nathan McGill YouthBase and Community Practitioner