Frances Day: A Survivor’s Story – Worlds Apart from Where I Am Today

I was born in Halifax, my mum was 16 and my dad was 19 – so they were only babies themselves. They were hard working, from a working class background and they bought their first home for £50. Can you believe it?

At that time, my dad was an engineer and we emigrated to South Africa when I was 8. We were there for 5 years, and returned to Halifax the day before my 13th birthday. It was right in the middle of apartheid. Black and White segregation. We were there from 1972 – 1976. Right in the thick of it, that’s why we came back.

What brings me joy in life? My grandchildren and my children of course. And, the work that I do with clients because I know I’m making a difference.

I know I am here to serve these amazing women. But without going through what I have gone through – I wouldn’t be able to do what I do now. I get them and I understand them. Because of the blend of my lived and business experience – I have valuable wisdom to share.

Symbolically, this place represents how far I have come. It’s probably 2 miles from where I live now. But it feels like a world apart. When I think about the night Princess Diana died, and being held out of that window from 9 floors up by a man that I thought loved me.

It was so impactful.

I felt very emotional standing there in front of that block of flats. It represented so much of who I was and who I am now. It has been 27 years, which is a generation. But actually, it feels much longer because so much has changed.

So many stories, all those events in the 27 years from that flat to where I am now – I am unrecognisable. I spoke to a friend of mine who I’ve known for 5 years, probably from the beginning of the healing journey. She said:

“You have come such a long way. You are a totally different person, compared to who you were 5 years ago.”

The anger is gone. There’s no anger, blame or pity. When you release those negative emotions and take back control, you begin to see that you can then start to create the life you deserve. When you’re right in the middle of it, you can’t see it. There is so much drama unfolding on a day to day basis, it’s difficult to pull yourself out and put your head above the parapet.

There are so many differences between my younger self and this Frances. I feel like her wiser, older sister. What I would say to my younger self is that you are beautiful, today you’ve got so much wisdom to share and you’re so much better than you think you are. I love you.

What happens is when we have low self worth we attract similar types of people and situations into our lives. What it has taught me is that everything is a lesson, if I could give one piece of advice, it’s to get a journal. Write at the top of that journal, what is the lesson here for me? And just write and see what comes up. Because until we learn the lessons, it will keep showing up.

Extract yourself from the situation to breathe and say, I’m worth more than this. It stops today, because what I’m doing right now is not working. It’s not serving me, my family or anyone.

I am 61 now, and there are lots of people thinking about retirement in my generation. But I’m just getting started. I have thousands of women that I want to help.