Yo, I’m Layla and I’m 17.

I am writing this because I want to reach young people that might go through similar experiences to me.

When I was 6, I used to see my mum and dad shouting at each other, throwing things and arguing all the time.

This made me feel scared but also influenced my opinion of men because my dad is an important figure in my life. I expect him to set the example.

I also witnessed seeing my brothers cheating on their girlfriends and this made me think that all men are disloyal.

All of this made me feel that it would happen to me. It made me feel vulnerable and growing up I have struggled with trusting people, low self-esteem and feeling unworthy of love. My stepdad also cheated on my mum.

I feel that my generation is messed up.

Boys don’t know how to treat girls. They put a label on us. They stalk us, control us.

I don’t think things have gotten better; I think they have gotten worse.

They call us things like ‘slag, slut, psycho’.

But we’re not. I am working on not letting those words and attitudes define me as a person.

But it’s hard. Because those labels sticks.

When I was 16, I met this boy on the bus to college. We clicked. He was nice at first. I’m sure you know where this is going.

After 3 weeks, the first red flag was him telling me I wasn’t allowed boy mates. I asked him if he was joking, he said no I’m not. This made me feel sad because I love my boy mates. But he said that old saying ‘but if you love me, you’d do it.

So, I did it because I loved him.

Then bonfire 2022. He gave his coat. I thought that’s cute, but he told me to cover up.

I started to get a bit iffy and that’s when I started thinking, do I want this relationship.

Roll on December, calls started to decrease but the lies and the messages started to increase. Basically, he wanted me there but he didn’t want to put the time in.

For about a month I started to think he’s ‘cheating’. All those feelings I felt as a child started to come back.

The anxiety was mad.

I’d ask him ‘are you cheating on me’? And he’d put on an act ‘no I love you so much, I’d never do that’.

I tried to believe him, but my instincts were stronger.

Then I get a text message off Stacey, didn’t know her but she sent me a paragraph asking me if me and Ian were still together.

She sent me all the proof.

I felt sick. I didn’t eat, sleep. I fell on the floor crying.

I don’t want this to happen to anyone else because it took me ages to recover. I’ still recovering now because when I broke up with him, he spent the following 6 months harassing me, stalking me, and calling me every word under the sun. You know those words that boys use to try and destroy us.

So, here’s my advice.

• First red flag, dip. You feel it for a reason. Believe your gut. Red flags = follow your head.
• I wish I’d asked my mate for advice. I didn’t because I was too scared, thinking they’d judge me.
• If you do end it. Block them on everything it will speed up the getting over it period.
• Spend time on yourself. As soon as we broke up, I went on snapchat thinking this would help. It didn’t.
• Don’t drink your problems away. It doesn’t help. When you sober up, those feelings rush back.
• Don’t smoke weed. It will affect your focus. And you need the focus to build yourself back up.
• Set goals that you can achieve and that are going build that confidence in yourself again.
• Don’t rebound. It gets messy. It’s not good when you’re feeling vulnerable.
• When you start to feel confident, and you meet someone. Meet them, form a friendship, get to know them.
• Ask yourself ‘Do I like this person’.
• If the answer is yes, explore it. Don’t rush, we’re not in Cool Runnings.
• Take your time, if he likes you, he’ll respect your pace.

By Layla Ackroyd aged 17