Domestic abuse can affect far more than the moments when abuse is taking place. For children and young people, it can shape how safe home feels, how much freedom they have, their relationships with other people, their experience of school and how they make sense of everyday life. Children may see or hear abuse, experience it directly, or live with the fear and control it creates. The Domestic Abuse Act statutory guidance recognises children who see, hear or experience the effects of domestic abuse as victims in their own right. Every child’s experience is different. Domestic abuse can have a significant impact, but it does not define who a child is or what their future will be.
Domestic abuse is sometimes understood mainly through individual incidents of violence. For children, the wider pattern of control can also shape everyday life. UK research with children affected by domestic abuse found that coercive control could create restrictions within home and family life, while children also developed their own ways of managing what was happening around them. Ordinary parts of childhood can become affected. Seeing friends, joining activities, spending time freely with family members or simply relaxing at home may become harder when one person controls what other people can do. Domestic abuse can therefore affect a child’s freedom as well as their safety.
A child does not have to be witnessing an abusive incident for domestic abuse to affect them. Living in an environment shaped by fear or control can mean continually adapting to what is happening around them. Children may have to think carefully about when it is safe to speak, what might cause conflict or how another family member is coping. That can leave less space for ordinary childhood experiences such as playing, learning, developing independence and building relationships. The Domestic Abuse Commissioner’s research into children’s experiences of domestic abuse reinforces the importance of understanding children as victims with experiences and needs of their own, rather than seeing them only in relation to the adult experiencing abuse. What happens between adults can change the conditions in which a child is growing up.
Children develop their understanding of trust, relationships, boundaries and power partly through the relationships around them. Where domestic abuse includes coercion and control, a child may experience family life in which one person restricts another person’s choices, movements or relationships. The child’s own opportunities to make decisions, spend time independently or develop confidence may also be limited. Government guidance on controlling or coercive behaviour recognises the impact that these patterns can have on children and family life. A child’s experience of domestic abuse does not decide what their future relationships will look like. Supportive relationships can provide a very different experience: adults who are reliable, boundaries that are clear and appropriate opportunities to make choices.
Living with domestic abuse can place considerable demands on a child. Fear, uncertainty, disrupted sleep, changes at home or concern for family members can all make it harder to give attention and energy to school. Concentrating, remembering information, completing work or taking part in lessons may become more difficult when a child is also dealing with pressures outside the classroom. Attendance and punctuality can be affected too, particularly where family routines have been disrupted or a child is moving between homes. School can also provide something different from the uncertainty a child may experience elsewhere. Familiar routines, friendships and trusted adults can offer continuity and a greater sense of stability. The Domestic Abuse Commissioner’s research found that children wanted schools and other professionals to understand domestic abuse better and respond to their individual circumstances rather than make assumptions about what they should be able to manage. Understanding the wider context can help schools respond in ways that support a child’s participation and learning without unnecessarily adding to the pressures they are already managing.
Children affected by domestic abuse should not be understood only through harm or vulnerability. They may develop their own ways of managing difficult situations, maintaining relationships or protecting parts of everyday life that matter to them. EdShift’s practice starts from this child-centred position. Children are more than what has happened to them. Alongside fear or difficulty, they may retain strong relationships, creativity, humour, interests and their own ways of making sense of their experiences. Recognising those strengths does not minimise the abuse. It means seeing the whole child rather than defining them by what they have lived through.
Separation does not always end domestic abuse. Coercive or controlling behaviour may continue through contact arrangements, communication, finances or other attempts to maintain control. The Domestic Abuse Act statutory guidance recognises that abuse and coercive control can continue after a relationship ends. Children may also be adjusting to changes in where they live, who they see, school routines or family relationships. Even when immediate danger has reduced, rebuilding a sense of stability can take time. Support needs to reflect what the child is experiencing now rather than assuming the impact ended when the adult relationship did.
The effects of domestic abuse can continue over time, but children can recover and develop in different ways. Children may need different forms of support at different times. Some benefit from reliable relationships, practical help and opportunities to reconnect with ordinary childhood activities. Others may need early intervention or specialist therapeutic support. EdShift’s work reflects this range of need. Its creative and therapeutic approaches give children different ways to engage and express themselves rather than assuming that support must always begin with direct conversation about what has happened. That can be particularly important when experiences are difficult to explain in words. Recovery may involve rebuilding safety, confidence, relationships and a greater sense of choice over time. It may not follow a straight line, and what helps one child may not be right for another. Recovery will look different for every child. The right support can help them feel safer, regain confidence and continue developing beyond what they have experienced.
EdShift supports children and young people affected by domestic abuse through creative, trauma-informed and therapeutic support. We also help schools and professionals understand children’s experiences and respond with greater confidence.
If you are concerned that a child may be at risk of harm, follow the safeguarding procedures relevant to your role or organisation, or contact the appropriate local safeguarding service.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 999.
